Top 10 tips for becoming the best blogger ever

Writing

Update: In case it wasn't ABUNDANTLY clear, this post is sarcastic. 

1) Make promises you can't keep – I promise if you read this blog every day you'll be the best programmer ever in one year!

2) Make statements and claims that you can't possibly defend – no one is more popular than the guy who is constantly saying ridiculous crap. (Can you say Bill O'Reilly?)

3) Make inflammatory posts about other bloggers (preferably those whose blogs are already popular) – Your popularity will skyrocket once the other blogger posts his/her "that guy is a douchebag" response post.

4) Insert completely pointless and totally off-topic images into your posts – My favorite is the staircase.

Stairway

5) Reference rules and statistics that are completely made up – In reality though, I've heard that only about 20% of bloggers actually do this.

6) Brag about how much money your ads bring in – Mine? Oh, I have earned 6 bucks so far this month. Take that!

7) Go out of your way to offend an entire group of people – For example "windows users", "Republicans", "Democrats", "Grandmothers" or pretty much anyone who holds different views than yours.

8) Post 18 times a day – Sure, go ahead and made a post about what you had for breakfast, then you can make another one later about what it was like coming out! Oh, and that guy who cut you off on the way to work, you should blog about that too.

9) Ask questions with no answers – You really should ask your users questions that no one can answer but everyone thinks they can. Will doing this really make you popular?

10) Make top 10 lists – no one will ever take you seriously unless you can fit all of your opinions into bullet points.

And before anyone says anything, I am probably guilty of half the items on this list. 🙂 Enjoy!

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