My second grader was giddy as we were getting ready for his 90s-themed choir concert. He mentioned a “big surprise” at the end that he couldn’t share. After a (flawless, of course!) set, the gym floor was cleared of chairs and the surprise was revealed: a dance party for the parents and students. This was OUR music — the stuff that our teenage selves listened to on repeat. It was a perfect opportunity for the music teacher to get parents involved in this show.
Since I regularly have dance parties with my kids and husband at home, they knew just what to do. We jumped on the floor and started having a blast. One other family did the same, but the rest of the room stayed oddly still. Most of the kids just stood by their families watching us while the parents engaged in conversation. The contrast was stark — two families laughing and moving while everyone else remained disconnected.
This moment was a missed opportunity for these parents — beyond the nostalgia, it was a chance for a genuine connection with their kids in our screen-filled world. Whether with children, friends, or partners, dancing is an incredibly effective way to strengthen social bonds.
When we dance with others, our brains do more than coordinate movement. Research into interpersonal synchrony (moving in time with another person) suggests that shared rhythmic movement builds trust, releases oxytocin, increases pain thresholds, and creates a sense of shared identity. When building relationships, whether it is with a family member, partner, or friend, dancing is a shortcut to a positive outcome.
Do yourself a favor and go dance with your kids, your friends, your family, and strangers. Your life will be better for it.
Beyond the movement itself, the eye contact inherent in some partner and social dancing acts as a bridge. Dancers must pay close attention to their partner, attempting to intuit what they are thinking and what their next action is going to be. Some partners even mimic the pupil dilation of each other — showing how in tune they really are. How often in your life do you pay so much attention to another person?
For people who struggle with traditional social settings, dance offers a unique advantage that small talk cannot provide. Verbal social interaction can be chaotic, unpredictable, and mentally exhausting. Dancing provides a regulated environment with clear rules and boundaries and a shared objective. New dancers can even start with classes where they are given a literal step-by-step guide for how to engage in this activity. This structure reduces the mental load of “well, what do I do next?” and replaces it with a predictable pattern that can act as a social lubricant more powerful than a glass of wine.
The hesitation I saw at the school concert is a symptom of the performance culture we live in, where we worry so much about how we present ourselves on a screen and deprioritize being present and connecting, even if we look ridiculous. Choosing to join the dance is about choosing the people around us above all else. Do yourself a favor and go dance with your kids, your friends, your family, and strangers. Your life will be better for it.
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