My favorite cliché interview hack after being asked what your greatest weaknesses is to answer, “I’m a perfectionist.” Mic drop. Your greatest weakness? Also your greatest strength. Clever you.
I am in no way disparaging this answer though. If you’re someone who is also acutely aware of the perfectionist plight, you know this is a sincere answer. You also know what a double-edged sword being a perfectionist is; it weighs a ton but it’s also annoyingly effective (most of the time).
Last year, the book The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control was recommended to me by one of the only people in my life who could recommend that kind of title – I hope you have one of those kinds of people in your life, too. Because no, you can’t just call someone a perfectionist, but you can gently recommend a book that you know will drill down into the core of someone’s soul within the first chapter.
The book points out the five types of perfectionists, loosely summarized here:
- The classic perfectionist
Extremely neat and orderly, disciplined; struggle with adaptability and connection - The intense perfectionist
Goal-oriented and focused on efficiency; struggles with frustrations created by their high standards for themselves and others - The Parisian perfectionist
Highly empathetic and driven by connection; struggles with people-pleasing and need for approval - The procrastinator perfectionist
Experts in preparing; struggles with ‘analysis paralysis’ and starting for fear of failure - The messy perfectionist
Enthusiastic, experts in starting things; struggle with finishing once the initial excitement is gone
I’ll be honest: I started this book, read 20% of it, and haven’t picked it back up. Hello, procrastination perfectionism! But it was brought back front and center in my mind recently during a discussion with several fellow designers about the inspiration gathering process at the start of a project.
We all expressed feeling an excitement at the beginning of a project but had varying descriptions of our own working paces and points of struggle as a project goes on. Then there was another underlying struggle that we did all share: dealing with that ol’ “perfect is the enemy of good” concept, followed by a race against the clock to make it perfect anyway. Because we care. A lot.
If any of this resonates with you, then you’d probably find comfort in how the author also reassures that, while it can be a real struggle, being a perfectionist is not something that needs to be fixed or done away with. With some strategy and self-understanding, it can be a superpower… instead of something that otherwise totally prevents you from, simply put, having any degree of chill. The common ground all perfectionists share is passion and a desire to strive towards higher achievements and rise above the expected. It does suck sometimes, but it can lead to things we’re really, really proud of.
So, as I said, I have ironically yet to finish the book and therefore haven’t gotten to the part that discusses any potentially life-altering coping skills to really help me in my own perfectionist plight. But what I have found already is a deeper understanding of, and perhaps a little forgiveness for, myself in the moments when I cannot find my chill. If I can find grace for myself in the part of my process that includes self-doubt, I can find the gumption to keep going until I get to the part that I’m really, really proud of.
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